written by Kal Malik
Time is so precious, but do we always recognise or appreciate that?
Often when we have lost our jobs our lives can come to a standstill until we are back in gainful employment. This is a rather peculiar state because “life” like time, never stands still. It is like a river that continuously flows and should we dam it up i.e. come to a stop then it will continue to rise on the other side of the dam until the inevitable consequence, it bursts.
I often work with career guidance agencies and in particular with clients who have lost their employment for one reason or another. However my work with the client has a different focus.
In the diagram, if we say that A is the area in which career guidance works, examples being:
- Interview skills
- CV writing
- Job hunting
Then B is the area in which I work with the client. As you can see there is some overlap in the roles C.
If A is the coal face, so to speak i.e. getting a person into (their desired) employment, what then is B?
The personal aspect
Our lives are so entwined with our employment that loss of work has many knock on effects on our life beyond work. This includes family and friends. The people that surround us are affected for the very simple reason that we are so greatly affected. This then forms area B.
I work with the person themselves and their relationship with their world.
The geography of unemployment
Unemployment can be a harsh environment for many. Particularly if we have left a workplace where we were employed for many years. We have spent our days:
- In a familiar environment
- Surrounded by work-colleagues who we have called friends
- Enjoying a guaranteed certain income and with that a certain standard of living
These are the obvious things that we have lost, other things that we may have lost are:
- Self confidence
- Sense of belonging and contribution
- Sense of self-value or personal worth
Some or indeed all of these impact our emotional being and this then reflects outwards towards family and friends. Emotions such as:
Spending time with these emotions impacts our being holistically. They lead to illnesses and break-ups with family and friends. Such emotions wear away at every facet of our being.
Fortunately, this doesn’t have to be the case.
A holistic approach
There are many ways in which to deal with the above. Below is the method that I use with clients. It begins with a simple message…
“Self value is not associated with what you do”
This message has to be driven home in every imaginable way. Write it down and carry it around with you, keep saying it as an affirmation, use it against the emotive questions that arise, such as “why me?” and “wasn’t I good enough?”
Our self-value or worth becomes tied to our work, thus when we lose employment we lose self-value. This connection is an illusion and so it must be broken at all costs. You have to get to the door that is marked “I cannot lose my self-value”
Consider the time before you were employed, did you have self-value then? Of course! Thus how could you have lost it?
It is hard to get this message into our heads so we need things to prove and demonstrate this message to us.
Most people in work are always dreaming about when they will have time off – there are all of the things that they would do, if only they had the time. Well now you have got it!
Time spent looking for work should not be a full-time job. Indeed it is exhausting for your life to be so concerned with one solitary pursuit. Now is the time to “spend” that most precious commodity we have, Time in a way that makes life more interesting and fulfilling.
If you have family, then this is an excellent time to be spending with them…the idea is simple…the end result has to be something like
“Remember the time when I was unemployed, wow didn’t we have some fun times?”
The illusion is that fun times require money. They don’t, fun times require “fun” + “time” and you have both of these in abundance.
So take your family out to the park, play games with them, enjoy them and let them enjoy you. Build or rebuild a new level of connection with them. Create moments of laughter and surprise. Ask your children what “they” do for fun and then join in, learn their computer games, do hand painting with them.
All of these are no cost solutions. You are a talented, imaginative and resourceful person, isn’t that what the career guidance chappie has been telling you to put on your CV? Well, use that talent to find cheap and free activities that you can enjoy with your family. Museums and libraries are good places to start.
Oh and just up the road, there is this totally healing, energising and wonderful experience you and your family can share at any time, and it is totally free, what is it? The countryside!
If you don’t have family or indeed even if you do, the next thing to do is get involved, there are millions of voluntary positions that can be done for a few hours a week. People have an “impression” about what things are…throw it away!
There are voluntary positions for people who have IT skills to CEO skills. All are welcome and if you’re used to deriving value from “what you do” then there is nothing more appreciative than volunteering, after all that’s what they pay you with, gratitude!
Also it is time to check out those classes at the local colleges and community centres too. If you don’t have a hobby, make up several and go and learn anything from a musical instrument to writing poetry. Many of these are free for unemployed people. Read books! Look back to your childhood and rediscover those interests. I had a client who used to love building Airfix models when he was a kid. He took up the hobby again after being made redundant and continued it after he started working again.
Hey! Have you put on a few pounds whilst you have been sitting at that desk job? Time to lose that and get that six-pack you have always wanted. Why not? You have the time right? So get in the gym, or a couple of daily runs (a couple??? Why not?) will soon have you fitter than you have ever been. I have always wondered why people who are unemployed aren’t the fittest on the planet?
Create a routine, one that is filled with inspirational and motivation things too. With the loss of work, routine is a big loss and needs to be put in place as soon as possible. Do a timetable for yourself, include walks in the park/nature, exercise, time with family and friends. Add some learning things to.
Here is an important thing. Accept help from people. Look, it’s like this, if your friend or partner lost their job wouldn’t you help them out a bit? Would you feel they are worth less because they accepted your help? No, of course not.
We want to be there for others when they need it, so let them be there for you and be appreciative and loving to them, they are trying to help.
Finally, there is no such thing as unemployed! The definition of “employed” is to be doing something. Thus if you are doing any of the above activities then you ARE employed.
Redefine who you are! It’s not what people call you, it’s what “you” call you
Kal Malik is a renowned author, teacher and speaker in the fields of personal/spiritual development, holistic therapies and para-psychology.
For the last twenty years, Kal has been a parapsychological investigator and explorer. As a result of his extensive study and experience in this domain Kal has taught parapsychology for the last 12 years and regularly speaks on related subjects.
Kal has written 10 books on holistic therapies and just finished, “Active Enlightenment – How to Create Miracles”.
Kal holds degrees in Information Technology, Psychology and a Masters in Artificial Intelligence. He is a qualified teacher, holistic therapist, a certified NLP practitioner, life coach, Reiki master and a practitioner of energy harmony. There is more information on his website Original Purity
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